Did you get it? Let me tell you:
I own this blog for 12 years and every time a celebrity I liked died I would write about it. Every. Time. You can look up.
But I took an awfully long time to write this. Mostly because I'm not used to posting here anymore, but also... I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY. And I spent the last 2 weeks the sadder I ever was about a famous person passing.
Matthew Perry died on Saturday, October 28th. I was scrolling through my Twitter (X?) news feed and came across a picture of him. I was just randomly passing by post and not reading any, so I didn't get it at first. But I thought it was weird seeing his face on my news feed... that wasn't usual. Just after I thought something bad might have happened I saw it again. Another picture. I stopped and read someone saying he was "so young". It hit me. I got it. I knew it. Oh my God! I read the news title. I sat down. I really didn't know what to do.
My boyfriend saw me and asked what was going on. That was the very first time I tried to say something and the words didn't come out. Not a single one. I had to show him what I had just read.
The next thing I did was to tell my best friend who, oddly enough, was sending me messages about it at the same time. That was it I was crying. She was crying. We sent pictures to each other of our ugly crying faces... The whole internet seemed to be filled with pictures of him, emotional lovely text about how he touched everyone on the planet playing the most sarcastic character on TV. I felt sad, but embraced as I would see everyone getting virtually together to pay their respects and say their goodbyes...
The following week I was broken. I had to go to class on Monday and I felt my world was falling. I had had a pretty rough week before and then... I couldn't stop thinking about 2017 and how magical it felt being Matthew's fan. Yeah, I was just a fan, but I had the most profound and exciting imagination. I made up a story for both of us. I new everything there was to know. I was a pretty good virtual stalker stalking the ones who really stalked him. I had a pretty solid opinion about who he was, even though I didn't really know him. So a world of images of flowers in gardens on the back of a stage with yellow walls and pink vitamins on this very new apartment in New York would fill my mind during the most solitary days. If I was not thinking about him, I was searching about him.
At that time Matthew was living in New York, but just while working on his play, The End of Longing. I new the days he was on stage, whenever he showed up for autographs and the impressions he made on the public, good or bad. I know one day he stole this girl's sharpie and she was pretty mad about it. I heard radio interviews and saw some posts on Instagram while they were happening... Everytime he had an interview ANYWHERE I new it! But that was pretty easy to find out, the most bizarre thing was that I NEW HIS ADDRESS!
I would watch everything from very far... I could only dream of being near, but I ask myself sometimes if that's why I felt and still feel. For a while it was really like I new him. I would make my researches everyday, sometimes just on Twitter. Other times I would dig in very deeply. I knew who his assistant was... I saw pictures (and videos?) of his sister wedding... all that added up to the stories I made created a weird sense of familiarity. That sense which doesn't really exist... I never met him, he never met me. I gave my cat his name and that was basically it. But living that time as a completely crazy stalker and vivid imagination made me feel like I was really losing someone who made directly part of my life. Like I was losing a love, a friend...
That or he was just pretty famous because of a 90's sitcom everyone loved and absolutely everyone felt the very same.
