Is it weird I almost had a nervous breakdown at Latin class today?
Is it weird?
I've been always afraind of public nervous breakdowns, but when I feel like they're gonna happen I take a deep breath and try to control myself. It usually works. Well, today it didn't.
I was pretty lucky to have a friend of mine yelling at me this morning, talking about the most important things to cry about, so I didn't drop a tear. Also, the teacher was there and my other classmates, and she, my friend, was very kind to scream at everybody I was about to cry.
Oh, don't know what I'm talking about yet? Alan Rickman passed away.
Alan Rickman, who played Severus Snape on the Harry Potter films. Alan Rickman, who made me cry watching Harry Potter when I just didn't feel like I was a fan anymore. Alan Rickman, who made me like Harry Potter all over again after 5 years of "I HATE it now". And made me love Slytherin and accept it as my house (because it is in fact!). And was present during the whole 2012-2013 switch! I couldn't ask for a better person to be obsessed with during that time.
During that time... I collected pictures of Alan, made drawings, wrote stuff and, most importantly, had dreams... Dreams of mine I never shared with anybody and thought I never would because I thought they were too silly...
And while everyone writes beautiful phrases and speeches about how amazing Alan was and I stick with the "I STILL CANNOT BELIEVE IT" sentence, let's take a look at my favorite memory that involves him, even thought it was just in my head. But it doesn't make it less real, does it?
The following text dates from March 11th, 2013 and was written by me at age 19.
"I had a dream Alan Rickman was here.
He came to Brazil and he was at MY HOUSE!
I remember he was with his girlfriend and she
was very nice. In fact, she was a lot nicer than him.
Alan didn’t talk to me that much. I remember
sitting on a hammock and chatting with his girlfriend, but I don’t know where
he was at that time.
I remember telling my friends to give him
privacy when they were running to see him. At first I was too. We ran after him
and when he looked at us we tried to pretend we were not doing anything or hid ourselves behind trees or whatever we could find on our way.
When I was ready to sleep he opened my door
asking where he was going to sleep. I said “I don’t know, but
you can sleep here”. Of course I wouldn’t sleep with him, but I would leave my room
for him. But then I said “The problem is that the bed is a little…” then I gave
a few punches on my mattress to indicate it was rough. He gave some punches too
and then left.
On the next day I thought it all was a dream,
but I wasn’t 100% sure. So I decided to take a look on my diary. The problem
was that I couldn’t find it!
I left my room and saw his girlfriend, so I
knew it was all true, but I still wanted to find my diary!
When I asked my mom if she knew where it could be she said she had given it to
Alan so he could read all the lovely things I wrote about him. “WHAT???” I
said. Now I couldn’t avoid being shy in front of him. It was terrible, but I
had to enjoy every single moment he was near.
Alan and his GF wanted to see the town. We went on a car ride. My parents on the front seat, me, Alan and, who I think
obviously was, Rima on the back seat. At least I wasn’t by his side.
We made some stops and then went to the
airport.
“What? You’re already going?”
“Yes” SHE said, it seemed like Alan Rickman
didn’t talk.
So that was it, he came and he left. I remember
saying goodbye but he didn’t even look at my face. It was fun having him close
to me even that he didn’t care, even that we didn’t actually talk, even that it
was just a dream."
And with this cute dream I said goodbye to one of my favorite actors of all time, knowing he will always be on our minds and hearts! I love you, Alan! Nothing more to say.
Alan Sidney Patrick Rickman
(February 21st, 1946 - January 14th, 2016)
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